Can we please normalize how hard it is to be a parent?

Can we have an open discussion about how often parents (especially the parent who takes on the majority of the kid rearing responsibilities) is pouring from an empty cup - which let’s face it makes staying calm as a parent that much more difficult!

Let me start by saying this:

You have my permission to take care of yourself - it’s not selfish - it’s self preservation.

And I promise you - you will hate your kids less when you aren’t pouring from an empty cup!

When I had my twins, and if you don’t already know this they are IVF twins, I thought my life was going to be very different. In a myriad of ways!

One way - I didn’t know just how hard it would be to be away from them.

Two - I didn’t know I would ultimately be parenting them by myself.

My ex (and this is one of the many reasons he’s my ex) was never home.

And while Q and X were IVF babies, R wasn’t. And there’s 2.5 years between having the boys and having her. And there were days I thought - I wanted to kill them. There I said it. You can think I am a horrible person. But there were definitely days I thought I get why some mammals eat their own young.

So 3 kids under the age of 3 and 2 and all of them babies was tough.

No matter how much I love and wanted them - it was tough.

One example: Feeding all their meals by myself - I made a lot of mistakes. I didn’t let them do finger foods - which probably contributes to their fussiness even now. But the thought of two babies and having another task of cleaning them, I didn’t have the bandwidth at the time.

There were times when I would BEG my ex to come home early because I was so overwhelmed- and I repeatedly lowered my standards.

Can you come home by 7? 8? 9? Please can you be home by 10?

At one point he told me I must need help from him because I was a bad mother.

I needed help but wasn’t getting it.

And then, couple all of that with having a chronic illness (endometriosis) I was perpetually pouring from an empty cup.

It’s one of the reasons I advocate so strongly for self care.

And self care doesn’t mean I’m suggesting you do something you don’t want to do. Find the little things that can refill your cup. Self care doesn’t have to cost a million dollars. It doesn’t mean forms of exercise that you hate.

For example, other than a show that was on when I first embarked in my Acupuncture degree called Yoga Zone, I f*cking hate yoga. I recommend it for patients in case they like it, I just personally loathe it. I prefer dancing or pilates. Don’t embark on an exercise program that you don’t feel fills an empty cup.

In a podcast I recently listened to from Denise Duffield-Thomas she suggested putting crisp, clean sheets on your bed because duh it feels amazing when you sleep on fresh sheets! I heard that and thought - BRILLIANT!

I can definitely help if you want to work with me. What can I do?

I can help as an Acupuncturist, Hypnotherapist, and former massage therapist, in my office you can take a mini break. You can treat yourself like a VIP and schedule an hour for Acupuncture and Hypnosis, you can schedule a mini session (moment of Zen) that gets you in and out in about 40 minutes - it’s like a quickie, schedule a 30 minute Infrared Sauna, pop on to a zoom meditation or hypnosis class, schedule a cupping or Gua Sha session just to ease the tension in your shoulders. You can even cry on the table if you need to - have I mentioned that I have made people cry at times?

Ultimately what I want you to know is that you have my permission to take care of yourself!

Why? Because no one gave me permission and I know in my heart of hearts I would have been a far better parent if I was pouring from a full cup!

You are an amazing parent! And it’s ok to need support.

If you are ready to start on a journey where you are nurtured, supported, and working on refilling your cup, reach out and I am here for you. (There is a button below that can take you right to the online booking if you are literally ready NOW for your next step).

See you on the treatment table!

Dr Stephanie

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